Thursday, 28 May 2015

NARENDRA MODI to visit Moon moon Soon, 1B USD package announced.

Narendra Modi To Visit Moon Soon, $1B Package Likely To Be Announced

Property market on the Moon saw record jump amid news that Robert Vadra is also coming through a SpaceX capsule.


Buy property on Moon. 20 percent discount for Indians.
Buy property on Moon. 20 percent discount for Indians.
Bengalore: People of India, it seems, would have to wait more to get a glimpse of their beloved PM. After travelling all over the world on leisure diplomatic tours, PM Narendra Modi is now planning his next trip to Moon.
A special suit had to be constructed to accommodate his 56'' chest. Modi suit will be auctioned after his return.
A special suit had to be constructed to accommodate his 56” chest. Modi suit will be auctioned after his return.
He will be the first PM across the globe to accomplish this milestone. As per our sister channel India TV, 15000 Supporters are soon rushing towards ISRO (Swadeshi) to book their tickets to moon. Teekhi Mirchi has got exclusive access to Modiji’s itinerary on the Moon. Here it goes:
1) Land moon on 30th Feb, 2016 at 00:00 Hrs MST (Moon Standard Time)
2) 10000* (100 Photoshopping) Bhakts will be available at SLP (Space-Shuttle Landing port).
3) 100 Media-persons with 300 Cameras will be available at SLP.
4) Speech delivery at the main craters  namely Pluto, Kepler.
5) Bhakts are planning to name one crater as ‘Modi Crater’, will be inaugurated by Modiji at 05:00 MST.
Name and location of Moon craters soon to be auctioned.
Name and location of Moon craters soon to be auctioned.
6) Meeting with Lunar real estate agents. Might offer them 1 Billion USD to improve business and improve diplomatic ties.
7) Wave towards India from Moon at 07:00 MST.
8) Wave goodbye to bhakts and board the space-shuttle.
9) Chanting of slogan-
Main Desh nahi jhukne dunga,
main desh nahi jhukne dunga.
This will be also be declared Moon’s “satellite anthem”.

Sunday, 24 May 2015

CANADA sends complaint to INDIA.(Punjabi`s rock)

CANADA sends a COMPLAINING letter to INDIA




Dear Mr.Modi

Streets getting renamed.
I, being the PM of CANDA, am worried about a few problems which we are facing since a long time.
Your fellow countrymen, i mean PUNJABIs are coming to our land in huge chunks, it looks like a LANDSLIDE kind of scenario from a mountain known as Punjab to Canada. A few problems which i would like to highlight here are as follows:-


  • Punjabis have renamed canada as KANEDA.
  • Canadian Flights have to increase the alcohol quota by 10 times, if a Punjabi is found on-board.
  • After drinking Punjabi passengers demand (not even request) to fly the plane.
  • Air hostesses are referred to as Totta, patola, purja, Mem ji etc.
  • They attach Singh with everyone`s name, like Simon Sing ji, Michael sing ji, even when these fellow passengers dont know how to sing.
  • Punjabi passengers speak an un-imaginable english after drinks.
  • They make noises like buuuurrrrraaaah burrrraaaah amidst the flight, which scares the pilots at times.
  • Punjabis demand for something known as Gurh & Gandda......is that a drink as well?
  • When they dis-embark from the plane, they demand the air hostess to come along.
We would request your intervention into the matter and help getting it looked into. 
Punjab Airlines starting next year
Else Canadians will have to emigrate to some other place.

Please help us Brother!

REGARDS
STEPHEN HARPER

PRIME MINISTER 

KANEDA (used to be CANADA in past)



Friday, 22 May 2015

CHAJJU HALWAI as Delhi ka CM


CHHAJJU Halwai as Delhi CM

Chhajju halwai look alike
Delhi:- Amidst all the rift, tiff, stiff and stuff which is going on between LG ( the only, popular and known governor of india) & Mr. Arvind K. There is a news that the famous Chhaju halwai of delhi, famous for his honest samosas*, has applied for the post of CM. As between the rift nothing seems to be happening and it seems as if CM is nothing more than a spectator. Chhajju Ji is thinking that he also needs some chair to sit and think, so he applied for this position.

And meanwhile, till the time this rift goes on, he can enjoy and feel the position of CM, which anyways has no powers. He claimed that his shop and its appliances are also having no power in the day, so this position of CM will provide him a very professional and homely atmosphere.

He told our senior rasiya reporter, Mr. Rass ka Gulla, that he will be writing a letter to our PMs. 1 PM is Mr.Pranab Mukherjee and other one is Prime Minister. Fortunately enough, Mr.Modi PM is in India to attend the marriage of Mr.Digvijaya`s Son. So on this auspicious occasion, may be his letter will present with a good omen for our PMs and they can hope to end this tussle by accepting the letter.
Honest Samosas





* Honest Samosa:- you still wondering about honest samosa, it is speciality of chhaju halwayi, he claims and has papers to prove his claims that each samosa carries 78.3% of aalu with error margin of  +- 0.1%.

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

PUNJAB TO BE DECLARED AS WET STATE

PUNJAB TO BE DECLARED AS WET STATE

Punjab, famous for its intestinal and liver capabilities to digest and absorb the alcohol (fermented grains), in view of recent developments, might be declared as a WET State.

Wet State means that only Punjab will have the facility of availing subsidy on all types of Hard Drinks including Beer, Whisky, Wine, Cognac etc. Punjabis are ecstatic and are happy with the outcomes, as there per capita income was dropping and growth rate was poor, So this has come as a merry go round moment for them.
Reacting to this opposition has demanded a CBI (Chaal Baaz of India) level probe and sent a complaint to the Election Commision stating that ruling party, SAD (Shiromani Akli Daldal ) in conjunction and partnership with BJP at centre has deliberately taken away this from Congress`s Manifesto. This Manifesto has been meticulously designed by Mr.Bevrha Singh Piyakarh after putting in a great research.

Reacting to these allegations, SAD spokerperson, Mr.Raaj Singh Daaru, stated that Punjab is being served with loads of Daaru and Dope on daily basis, even at times when congress had not even thought about there manifesto. Adding to this it was said that SAD will strictly take an action if Congress tries to do any intellectual theft (OMG intellectual theft and that also from SAD, anyways). Also, Mr.Raaj said that punjab is the first state in country where we have provided something which we are about to mention in the upcoming manifesto.
Also, a new slogan was coined by the spokesperson, BAHUT HO GAYA AATA DAAL, HUN AAPAAn KHAAVAANGE FREE MAAL (afeem).

Friday, 15 May 2015

India`s last chance for its BLACK MONEY!

BLACK OR WHITE, MONEY IS RIGHT!

All the people who absorb all the colors of spectrum, i mean who are not white.....how to say black by not being racist??? Ok! let me start again.

Mr.Mogambo Mango from UNBO
All the black people from around the world objected on the use of term Black money for describing Illegal money.And United nations Black Organisation (UNBO - a secret society) categorically said, that the use of term black is found very much full of in-equality and racism. But still, if the world wants to use the term Black money, they must share the 50% of there black money with black people. Reactions are coming from around the Gol Globe and it is being speculated that may be, there demands for sharing the money with Black people will be accepted.                           
                                                   
Listening to this, India has applied to UNBO, saying that what ever is not white must be a representative of black, External affairs minister also refferred to famous song of Brown Rang by Padam Shree Honey singh Ji. As Indians are brown skinned, as termed by twitterati and facebookers, and being brown is close to black. Also, we are the largest consumers of fairness creams. And looking at the share of India`s wealth in Black money. Either the money must be termed as Brown money or  Indians must be included in Black spectrum and thus UNBO. (Courtesy:- Baba Ramdev`s bhakt believes that India has the biggest share of black money in the world).
Zebra s are confused
Not Left behind, HUL (honolulu unilever limited) said that they will be launching a new cosmetic cream named as Black & Rich in competition. to Fair & Lovely. Amidst all the reactions, the political arena including Obama, soul of MJ (michael Jackson), and Zebras are quite confused at the developments. All are hoping that security council will intervene and stop the UNBO from Black Mailing the world.............o teri, fir se black!

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

SALMAN - NEW Indian Cricket Coach


SALMAN TO COACH Indian Cricket team for HIT & RUN


Salman khan must be appointed as Indian cricket Teams Hit and Run coach. As Salman can teach and coach them about the knitty gritties of the situation. Keeping in view of almost 13 years of experience of Mr.Salman Khan, it is being speculated that batsmen will be able to dodge the Umpires very easily, even in case of a run out.
SALMAN KHAN READY TO HIT & RUN

Wednesday, 6 May 2015

KEJRIWAL ka DHARNA against Chris GAYLE

KEJRIWAL ka dharna against CHRIS GAYLE
Chris Gayle absorbing Jadoo Power
After a massive innings by Chris Gayle on 6th May 2015 in so called cricket, i.e IPL. the blasted side of KXIP`s bowlers planned a dharna in front of Chris Gayle`s hotel in Bengaluru. When this news reached our Dharna propreitor Mr.Kejriwal, he grabbed the oppurtunity right away and declared that AAP will support the punjab bowlers in this dharna.

Tu kar bowling, nahi nahi, tu kar, tu tu tu tu
Kejriwal will be leading the dharna and Anna hazare might be approached for his patented Aamaran ant-shant. AAP`s convener has confirmed that they have some documents which clearly reveal that chris gayle has some alien kind of material derived from Koi mil geya`s jadoo`s skin. And this skin when charged with solar energy lets him hit Sixes in that fashion.
Jadoo se Jharhoo tak
Jadoo se jhadoo tak
Amongst all this BJP has called this alien angle as Congress and AAP`s mili-bhagat. BJP said Jadoo being an RSS swayamsewak can not lend his skin to Gayle, as Gayle is a congressman. And kejriwal dumped the claims of Congress and BJP and said that they will file a PIL and will seek a CBI inquiry against Chris Gayle for hitting such hard sixes.

Amongst all this, Jadoo was found confused and has left for his Jadoo-land for ever.