Wednesday, 24 June 2015

Smriti Irani Offered Multiple Ph.Ds by UPTU, ends degree row

Smriti Irani Offered Multiple Ph.Ds by UPTU, ends degree row

Politics of Didigree
New Delhi/Kanpur: Today, Amidst the vocal protests of the opposition and on road effigy burning came to a halt and the opposition was sent to Hibernative silence, when UPTU offered Ph.D in Maths-1, Satellite and political science to HRD Minister Smriti Irani. When our correspondent Jholu Ram contacted HRD ministry, it was stated that today and tomorrow are declared to be the offical holidays to celebrate the most educated minister`s convocation ceremony. Many officials were found distributing Ladoos after the news broke out.

kuchh kuchh locha hai
When the Vice Chancellor was contacted, he briefed our correspondent that UPTU is aiming to be the best Technically Updravi university, and students will get motivated after Smriti Ji becomes there alumni. And even the fake degrees of UPTU will hold a firm ground globally from today onwards. And he was found saying that "we have offered multiple Ph.D degrees to Smriti Ji, keeping under consideration her versatile experience". Looking at her growth it is clearly visible that her political Hisaab kitaab is really good, so she was offered degree in Maths-1 and Pol science. And regarding Satellite communication,  her role on satellite television as Tulsi is well known to everyone, taking all these hisaab kitaabi considerations, she has well earned these multiple Ph.D degrees.

Looking at all this, Manmohan Singh ji were asked to comment about how he felt about his degrees, but still he was found quiet and at peace.

And Guiness book of world record has registered yet another record for India, for having the HRD minister with highest no. of Ph.Ds.

Jo- kar  /  jo marzi kar
When fellow Congressi correspondent Di-giri contacted congressi spoesperson, she said, that now they are very hopeful that Rahul Baba and Sonia mummy will be aiming to become Daaktar`s (Ph.D doctor) too.
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Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Delhi Mumbai AIR to be exported to USA

Enriched Pollution to Poor population
New Delhi: Our correspondent, Prakritik Aapda cracked a very confidential story in which it was found that a Few fraudulent travel agents (Authorised by Govt.) are going to export our own very powerful Air of Delhi and Mumbai to US. Due to the great constituents available in the Air of Delhi NCR, this Air will be used to make pesticides. Our commercially sale-able correspondent, Mr.Bikaoo, added to this stating that this Air export will lead US companies to lower down there cost, remarkably by using the Air of Delhi. As no chemicals will have to be purchased or developed by the companies. And this industry is really eyeing the Delhi Air.
When the correspondent Prakritik Aapda contacted the environment ministry of delhi, they told us that the govt. at centre is playing this plot and trying to export the Air of Delhi to US under Make In India plan, and this is a big scam, under which Govt. of India is cheating the ppl of Delhi.
It is due to the honesty (patent of Delhi Govt.) of Delhi govt. that this Air is not yet allowed to export.
Health minister said, that ppl of Delhi have worked really hard to pollute this Air and are 
Delhi Ranks No.1 Globally. Yey! we are no.1
now habitual of this Air. If the Govt. of India takes this Air away, ppl of delhi might miss the ailments like Asthma, allergies, and breathlessness. which will make them very lazy and they will stop any kinds of hard work to breathe, which they are habitual of, Now our breathing system has become friendly with Nitrogen, Carbon, Sulphur etc. Ppl of delhi take these minerals as there family members. 
Amidst all this, Haryana govt. has offered a land to US companies in Gurgaon stating that govt. will provide subsidized land and contract with Mr.Vadra and other Land caesar`s in Gurgaon, which will help them acquire any land they wish to close to Delhi. Also, govt. as usual, will not work on the cleaning of any air pollution. The companies will be a given a single window clearance system for the same.

To take the politics further on this, ppl of delhi will sit on dharna alongwith the CM to bring awareness in Janta. The slogan for Dharna is being coined as
"Hawaa hamari, dawaa hamaari, jaan se pyaari".


Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Baba Ramadeva to launch Ayurvedic maggie

Patananjali Baba Ramadeva to launch AYURVEDIC Maggie

After the fake news of Nation wide suspected Ban on Maggie, Patananjali Yog has announced to launch an ayurvedic variant of Maggie like noodles. These noodles will be known as "Seedhi sev".

Also, this product will be launched by the brand ambassador, most loved messenger MSG himself, Ramadeva himself told our correspondent, prakritik Aapda, that our Seedhi Sev, contrary to Maggi will not have any MSG content, but it will have Aashirwaad of MSG (messenger of God himself).

This maggie...err... i mean seedhi Sev, will help in reducing the Rapes across the nation#. Our famous Khap Panchayat of Dagru samaj welcomes the launch of this product and has asked there saamaajik ku-karyakartas to buy loads of this seedhi sev.

The Brand Ambassador MSG said, he is composing a new song Seedhe Sev, Seedhe Kaam, bolo ram bolo ram for the upcoming noodles. And this noodles will surely replace the previously trending Maggie.. 50 Million followers* of MSG have already booked 300 million packets of seedhe sev, even before it is launched.

Artist`s impression of Seedhe Sev
Branding for this is still in pipeline. As soon as seedhe Sev package is released, our correspondent Prakritik Aapda is promised to get the first batch.

For launch we will have to wait till MSG 2, as seedhe sev and MSG 2 will be launched together.

# Khap panchayats have blamed chow mein consumption as a reason for rape earlier.(Google it to believe it)

* 50 million followers:- as claimed by the FBI (federal Baba`s Institute).

After Maggiee, TOILET Paper to be banned in INDIA.

After  Maggiee, TOILET Paper to be banned in INDIA.

Maggi Ban bhain-ed
Nayi Dilli, Lucknow, After the Ban on Maggie. It is being suspected that planning to Ban Toilet Paper in India. Digging deep, very deep into the research and the story, our correspondent Noodle Kumari contacted a few supporting the Ban.

RSS (Rashtriya Rifle Sena) has welcome the Ban on toilet paper, calling it to be a conspiracy by the westerners against Indians. They said that "Gore (foreigners) want to introduce this invention of western culture by degrading indian culture by undermining the under-developed minds, un-realistically in the underground areas undisputably" (Bloody Hell! what is the meaning of that - even there spokesperson forgot the jumlas after he uttered then).

Amidst all these, our very own and beloved Khap panchayat of Dagru samaj which earlier said that chow mein is a major reason of rape, created another analogy stating that, due to the use of Toilet Papers, Rapes are increasing in India. And if we want to stop cross cultural Rapes and marriages, we must appreciate the Ban on Toilet Paper.

When approached the ruling govt. spokesperson, he said that they have found high content of abrasive agents in toilet papers and will be banning them. So, this Ban will create a win-win situation by promoting culture and saving everyone`s Ass.

Opposition has demanded a CBI level probe in this Ban and has said, that the issue will be taken up in Parliament. As they cant tolerate the ruling party trying to save there asses.

Apart from political Arenas, Bollywood celebs are very happy, that they havent yet endorsed any toilet paper brand, One Ad of KRK was in post production, but is now believed to be off the shelf.